Selfie for selfie's sake

I started taking selfies long before the cell-phone, let alone the ubiquity of cameraphones. Necessitated by traveling alone, I had to get creative if I wanted to have any pictorial memento of myself in a country. In China, way back in 2000, many people were kind enough to take my picture posing in front of whatever I was there to see – in exchange for me posing with the family in front of whatever they were there to see. I felt like quite the rock star while I was there.

But in the moments where I found myself alone or seeking to remain as anonymous as a lone black woman can manage away from the most touristy spots of mainland China, I had to get creative.  

I remember finding myself in what I thought was the Terracotta soldier museum (it wasn’t) and wandering around gazing at various soldiers and plants strewn about. after walking for a while I stopped in front of some sort of sign made of granite or some dark gray stone with words etched into it and buffed to a high gloss. I could see myself reflected and so I focused my Pentax K1000 (older than me) on what would be my reflection and then moved my head so that my face was no longer hidden behind the reflection of the camera. Then I hoped against hope because there was no way to verify I’d gotten it right, that the focus was fine enough, that my face cheek wasn’t chopped off.

Things have clearly evolved since then. Now I take selfies not out of necessity but…I’m not even sure why. A self-chronicling I guess. Without good reason I don’t go around asking folks to take pictures of me. There is no need. Aside from the unnatural posture most people assume when a camera emerges, there is the obvious narcissism that is on display. Asking someone to take my picture, not because there is a special event going on or a particular need- simply because I think I look hot that day or I’m feeling silly, feels indulgent. I am sheepish. Even among friends. Especially among friends. 

The truth is, I can’t think of any real reason to take pictures of myself on most days. 

When I buy a new outfit and want to share it with far-away friends, I snap a slightly warped picture reflected in my full length mirror. There is utility there…but really that is the only utility I can think of. 

Mostly my selfies are moment when I feel most myself…or a particular version of myself. Chronicled for no particular reason…I keep them whether I ever share them.

Of course travel still brings out the need for selfies in whatever way I can manage. On a solo trip to Ethiopia I found myself at Gondar and unable to record that I was there. I had been carrying around a tiny video camera, mostly capturing my voice over the images of lush greenness on aging gray castle stones. It makes me cringe a little to watch, and giggle too. There I am, crouched down talking to…myself…castles behind me and my own face contorting self-consciously because I know my image is crammed into the foreground of the shot. But I managed it. I managed to chronicle a moment alone, a video selfie for more than selfie’s sake.