Marriage blessing for the unwed

She was so excited to see me. She was moving her purse before I could even speak, moving her purse and waving me over to sit beside her. There was the obligatory compliment on the presentation I’d just completed, followed by a few questions about the research and my work. And then we fell into more commonplace topics…more general…about life and eventually even love.

She told me about how she had been a trauma nurse but that she was too old now – in her 60s- and was doing more administrative things. She talked about how things have changed in trauma, the language, everything. Then she smiled and half pointed half waved to the young woman across the table, beaming about how she was a trauma nurse and did great work. 

Then of course there was talk of babies and husbands. Oh husbands.

“Are you married?”

My “no” seemed to puzzle her, perturb her even. “you are young, what are you, 25?” I laughed in response and assured her I am almost 40. “Still young,” she responded. I laughed again. Loving her for her immediate familiarity.

“I will find you a husband, what do you like?”

Unsure of how to answer that she prodded some more…what sports? I rattled off football and basketball and she seemed to relax again. “That’s easy.”

I guess everything is easy when death isn’t in the equation. She had led with a story about a couple at her church that she’d fixed up. The young woman had been married and pregnant and their car was hit on the way to the obstetrician. Everyone except her died. The man in this new couple had recently lost his mom to a car accident- every bone her body broken. 

 

It was such a heavy story, I couldn’t understand why she was sharing it. Why I had to carry that sorrow as well. 

But it ended well. I guess she wanted to share the ending.

They are married now. Still grieving in their own ways, but married and in the realm of happiness. That was her inspiration for me. 

I smiled. I smiled with her a lot. A sincere smile that was constantly laced with laughter. She was so open. 

“You believe in Jesus right?” here I hedged. The radio stations in Fresno are flush with religion and I wasn’t in the mood to get into a spiritual debate with a relative stranger, open and friendly or not. I smiled in answer but she wasn’t to be ignored and so she asked again, more pointedly. “You believe in Jesus right?”

“I was raised in the church…but…” I’m pretty sure she never heard the “but.” She smiled and continued on. I’m a Seventh Day Adventist,” she responded, as if that explained everything. That declaration was followed by a story about the black man that attends her church. A professor. A good catch. I presume that was for my benefit but she wasn’t clear on that point.

We were interrupted then, by someone who wanted to talk research. It was a good time to part ways, with Jesus and professors in the mix. So I thanked her for her hospitality and turned my conversation to the new arrivals. 

The whole conversation reminded me of a similar one I had on a plane almost 10 years ago. A woman headed to visit her daughter who had just had her first child. She was fussing about something in the way that people fuss when they are actually extremely excited. And then her excitement turned to me, eyes aglow. “What about you? Are you married?” She was so eager to have her joy spill over on to me, to share her ebullience.  My answer infringed on that. “No.”

Flustered, she asked, “Well are you engaged?”

My smiling answer was again “no”. She looked downright panicked at this point. “Do you have a boyfriend?” At this I relented, gave her the affirmative she was looking for. I neglected to mention that we wouldn’t be getting married and that very soon we’d be saying goodbye forever. She seemed so relieved that my current state of…singleness…singularity…would soon be rectified.

Back in Fresno, my eyes on my watch, a three hour drive ahead of me, I prepared to leave. Before I could say goodbye and return to my car, the nurse called out to me, she wanted to pray for me. I don’t so much remember her asking me as I remember her urging me to come stand beside her. So I did.

She laid her hands on my arm and bowed her head. Instinctively I bowed my head too, eyes open at first and then closed as I knew they should be closed. I listened as she rested a blessing on my head for safe travel, and thanks for the work I’m doing, and a final nudge to god to send my partner my way.

I thanked her. The sincerest of thank yous. She took the time to pray for a near stranger…not everyone does that…I know almost no one who does that. Her blessing hovering over me, I made the drive safely home (maybe I passed my husband on the way).