What it Costs

America is obsessed with time. Obsessed with not “wasting” time. All over the world --in countries America likes to compare itself to in terms of GDP, 9th grade math scores, and life expectancy-- students take a gap year, a time between high school and “what next?”. They travel.

Of course there are financial limitations to this rite of passage but it occurs to me that even among the wealthier in America, those that likely could afford such a luxury, the gap year has never caught on.

You could argue that Americans don’t "gap year" because we don’t travel overseas but I could argue that travel doesn’t have to be international, especially in a county as large as the United States. Maybe we have it reversed and we don’t travel because we don’t do a "gap year".

Whatever the reasoning order I think that logic is wrong, I think the issue is time.

Americans don’t take that year because then we’ll be “behind”. Behind who or what I am uncertain, only that whatever or whoever it is chases Americans throughout our lives. It is the reason people don’t take vacations even when finances allow, the reason we don’t take time between jobs – god forbid we have a gap in our resumes.

I fight the increasing volume of this narrative in my head everyday. A year out of the conventional job market while I traveled the map gorging on food and meeting interesting people, I worry I'm behind.  If I am, does the “lost” time trump the past year?

Fourteen countries this year: Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, Japan, Netherlands, Croatia, Portugal, Spain, France, Italy, and Taiwan. A year of experiences. Was that really less valuable than a 9-5 that is really an 8-7?

I don’t think so.

I’m just ending my trip and beginning my job search. In a few weeks, maybe a few months, I'll begin to see if my decision to change up my life for a bit must be weighed not in the joy of the experience that I currently view it in, but instead in the context of loss...such a deficit-approach to living.

No matter what greets me on the other side of this year of living differently, I know that the “loss” Americans fear is double edged. The promotion, the job, the salary, are all potential losses...but I lost my dear friend Shoes, nine years ago. He was there one moment, laughing and drinking and making my life and the world a better place – and then...he wasn’t. Then he was gone. Medical school and studying and all the responsible things he’d done knocked off a motorbike taxi in the middle of Kampala.

Except he was in the middle of Kampala, Uganda; he’d traveled throughout India; he was living the life he wanted to live and not simply following the prescription counselors laid out before him. And so while I still grieve the loss of his unique brand of brilliant beauty in the world, I am also comforted that he hadn’t waited,  hadn't feared lagging behind...hadn’t waited to see or do or experience the world that was taken from him, that he was taken from, so suddenly.

This year has given me grace and laughter and perspective and friendship and challenges and tears and time and distance away from what is expected of me.

Back in America, searching for my "what next", I hope I remember what this year gave me instead of buying into the easy narrative of what it cost.

Kindness of Strangers

“I always depend on the kindness of strangers.”

I don’t but...oh how I benefit. I’d never thought before how the word is kindness, not niceness. Lots of people are nice. And I don’t mean to disparage nice. I am nice. But kindness...kindness is another thing altogether. Kindness is not an affectation for the comfort of self or others. Kindness offers something up of the person offering it. Niceness is smile, a head nod, a greeting, a "have a nice day".

The folks at my Taroko hotel hotel didn’t speak English. So when I clomped down the stairs, both my packs slung across my body, she smiled in the vague way I smile when I don’t understand what people are saying. A smile that says I am friendly and mean no harm but also I cannot participate in this conversation.

I typed out “how can I get to the train station" on Google Translate, and she graciously walked me out of the front door, onto the porch, and pointed across the street to the bus stop.

Google hadn’t mentioned a bus to me earlier when I tried to figure out directions on my own, and since it is Sunday I hadn’t questioned the omission, but now I wondered if this would be Google’s second failure on my trip.

I crossed the street near the crosswalk, early in the day and little traffic allowed me to stroll. I passed what appeared to be a storefront church before arriving at the covered bus stop. My eyes glossed over the signage mostly written in Chinese, the few English words not helpful in deciphering my transportation fate.

And then a minivan pulled up, a child of indecipherable age leaning out of the front window. He looked at me and away, a smile sneaking across his lips, a glance as familiar to me in my travels as tourist menus (although I try to avoid these). For a second I forgot I was in Taiwan and flashed back to South Africa and wondered if the Sunday transport was a khumbi (minivan taxi).

But no, the van was parking and an entire family disembarked: the father, driving; the mother, holding a two-month-old girl; the sheepishly smiling 13-years-old, holding his 7-years-old brother.

I smiled, my eyes trailing to the baby because- I do love a baby. And the mom smiled and headed toward me. “Hello,” she offered. I returned her greeting. And then the most universal of travel conversations unfolded. “Where are you from?” “Where are you going?” on their part, “How old are the kids?” on mine.

The Xicheng Taroko train station, she assured me, was a little too far to walk, but off to the side her husband busily looked up the bus schedule and assured me one was four minutes out. We posed, me mom and children, for the picture that is often requested (less often in Taiwan than in China but still more than other places) and they continued on their way...I suspect to the church I'd passed.

I looked curiously up the road, in the direction my bus should arrive and sure enough a bus ambled down the street. The 13-year-old motioned to his dad and his dad walked smiling toward the street, urging me out too. He waved the bus in, had a short conversation with the driver, and then assured me this was the right one.

The doors shut, and I was gone.

I don’t always depend on the kindness of strangers. I depend on technology, and research, my own wits, and blind luck...I don’t always depend on the kindness of strangers, but oh how I benefit just the same.

Culinary Kindreds

My people are greedy.

Well, ALL of my people aren’t greedy. Many of the people dearest to me couldn’t care less about food. But my culinary kindreds, those people love food, those people are greedy.

A few months ago when I traveled to Sicily I visited with old friends from the Bay. We spent a solid week eating. I don’t mean we ate, everyone eats, I mean most of our waking hours were dedicated to eating or the pursuit of food. It was, quite simply, a delight. Here were people that I didn’t have to give a reason for stopping to look at food because they would never question the validity of my appetite based on something as trivial as the fact that we’d just eaten moments ago. These are people who were happy to order a bevy of items to nosh on on our way to a meal because “you have to try this”.

My people are greedy, in the best, most enchanting way.

Hiking the nearest trail in

Taroko (a place where a little research might have served me well), slow and plodding as is my way anytime I'm headed uphill, I stopped for the gazillionth time, Breathing heavily, eyes grazing the green enveloping me, laughing uproariously to Thirst Aid Kit, and watched three men only a few moments apart, scale the stairs I was reluctant to revisit.

The fourth man smiled and greeted me with a hearty hello. He asked me if I was going up or down, and once he confirmed I was (in theory) heading in his direction, he urged me to join him.

“I’m tired and slow,” I waved him off with a sheepish smile. “So am I, it gives me an excuse to rest,” he laughed. And so I got to my feet and began the climb again. Three or seven steps, stop to breathe heavily, seven to 15 steps, stop to breathe heavily. 

In between my panting he peppered me with questions, local trivia, and his own story: how long am I traveling?,Taiwan has mountains 3000 meters – taller than the Rockies, he just returned from Houston. Another man joined our ascent, and we all continued, up and up and up.

At the end of one of the trails the other men I’d watch pass were gathered. One had continued on to the next trail, the others waited for the lagging part of their crew still somewhere below us, and vacillated between continuing uphill or climbing down in pursuit of lunch. Their crew, it turned out, is a Triathlon group. That day’s trail run would be followed by the next day’s 105 km bike ride.

On the surface, these are not my people.

Except...as my Forest Gump running ex taught me, folks who work out seriously have insatiable appetites. They have to, their metabolism burns everything off so quickly. That ex was a compact man, no body fat to be found. People would size him up at restaurants and shrink our orders, assuring us we had more than enough food. We never had enough food. He was, based on appetite and joy of eating, my people!

Triathletes are hungry too!

The group decided heading down was best – it was getting late and restaurants in the area close-- so we (because now I'd been absorbed a bit into the group) were headed for lunch.

After trying to scare me with descriptions of a possible lunch that would include stinky tofu (so much stinkier in Taiwan than how I remember it in China) and snake (I'm not easily scared by food) we headed to a local spot and I sat down with a barley drink and waited.

Plates started arriving on the Lazy Susan, 10 of us arranged around it. Rice, of course, an omelet-looking dish, chicken, beef, wild boar (a local specialty), squid (we are on the coast- so much of Taiwan is coast), fern, a local dish they described as Chinese chewing gum...then clam soup, large shrimp that would have brought joy to my mother’s heart if it weren’t for the heads still attached, a whole fish, more greens (water spinach maybe), another fish dish (when they showed me the picture of it immediately sent it to my dad because he was the only person I figured could give me the English name- and I was right!), another omelet, more rice, and fruit.

I smiled. I smiled so much.

One of the downsides to traveling alone is ordering. My appetite is substantial but even I have my limits. I can order a few things by myself but at some point it is just wasteful. But sitting there with this group (two more joined us eventually) of athletes, the question wasn’t “is this too much” rather, “is this enough?”.

Between the chewing and the conversations I couldn't understand, we exchanged pleasantries – they were intrigued with my travels this year and I couldn’t get over the fact that one woman had completed 51 marathons in the last five years. FIFTY ONE! She’s run more than 1,300 miles and that doesn’t include the training!

Travel and running aside, we continued to eat. And eat. And eat.

The plates slowly cleared. People picked off the remnants of their favorite dishes, The last man to arrive drank the last of the soup from the serving bowl. We divided up the check, paid, and parted ways.

And I was reminded...again...that my people are greedy. Long live greedy nation.